I wouldn’t brace myself before the fall.
No looking down before the jump.
And as the ground approaches,
I’ll keep my head looking up.
I’d come too far to back out now.
This life has done enough.
No, I am not afraid.
The closer I get, my heart stays steady.
My mind the quietest it’s ever been.
I’d climb the ledge with sure hands.
Watch the sun slink away and count the stars.
Dropping rocks down, waiting for the clash
The sound of earth colliding with earth
I wonder if I can match.
Determination as my breath forms clouds
I stand up, dangling my toes off the ledge.
No, I am not afraid.
In the moments before I break
I’ll know what it feels to be awake.
Counting the seconds before the fall.
No, that’s not what I thought at all.
I am afraid of broken bones.
Of shattering, splinting, poking out from within.
I am afraid of those around
and how this will follow them.
I shiver though not cold.
A breath I cannot hold.
Tears reach my tongue caught like snow.
Picturing the impact throwing me back up
And going back to where I’ve been enough.
I’d keep walking, away from the ledge
And back to the world that never felt like home.
